Halloween has got to be by far the most stupid holiday, but thats exactly why i love it,
it's soo fucking pointless i swear ahhh lets see what are some of the things i can do....

This is my favorite holiday

Okay...before i proceed i need you to fully let go of everything and focus on what you are about to read. Because this is for you and i know you wont read it and if you magically do then i hope you realize i wasn't playing, i wrote it a while back and i feel that now right now it's time. -For once I felt what you feel and it’s the most amazing feeling. Doing and being good at something you love so passionately its indescribable. I watched you play and reality smacked me a crossed the face. You love what you do, and don’t get me wrong, I love that you enjoy every second of it. If I think of that solid moment about the excitement running through every part of me just by standing there watching you, that tingling sensation i got. Racing at the back of my mind capturing every thought wanting to stand there forever. This was possibly far from the happiness you felt or currently feel. And I’ll be honest I loved it every second of it. I would replay it over and over until i could no longer feel. Now I know Now I get it, I get that at the moment all you want is that, and all you feel is that, and as hard as it may seem, I’m just a distraction. A distraction that’s moving on. Gladly knowing you. I expect great things from you don’t let me down now...You are free like my mind, it's okay. I don't want to mess it up it was too lovely. and writing this helps me say "I'll stop" take it as something stupid. Ignore it. Laugh. I don't nearly care. But I'll stop. Thanks once again it was worth the trip.

One man. One wish. Many dreams. Me. No hope. Lack of confidence.

Sadness and hoping for faith. Your life. In a room. I pray.

You'll be fine dad.

Once again i stumble against the truth.
I'll climb. I'll fall. I'll climb. Luckily for me the more you do it
the more i forget.

I'm speechless...no words can describe this feeling.

...with you and your excuses

Statesville prison yesterday :) had funn

You are by far the most pathetic excuse of a human being.
You’re a complete sick and nauseate offend to my brain.
Just the sound of your voice makes me shiver into pure disgust.
I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!
I hope you choke on your I’m sorry.
I hope you find nothing more than lies ahead.
The only thing you cause is repugnance, repugnance and nothing more!
Your simple presence burns and sizzles through every part of me.
It literally angers me to see you standing there so calmly.
I want you living by memories each and every day.
FALL! FALL!
Suffocate trying to find what was once there.
I want you dreaming that one day everything will be Just fine.
When deep down you, yourself know everything is far from it.
Knowing I nourished memories with you kills me, it rots my insides to the point where affliction comes in the picture.
I feel pity for you and hope others do too because I am more than you’ll ever be and you deserve.

Stupid stupid stupid bitch i swear i've never felt such anger towards a person

I've actually wanted to write on here since the longest,
but with all the homework and coming out late. I don’t have the chance.
I actually wrote a decent amount of things that were sadly suffocating my thoughts.
I felt like screaming and basically ripping some ones head off. Hmm, maybe that one kid that keeps calling me Janet every 5 seconds, but this is not about that kid. The point is I deleted that big emotional post it was too personal. What am I talking about everything on here is personal.
I just don’t want people thinking I’m a psychotic bitch who cant get her life together. Maybe its true but who cares. BESIDES I have plenty of depressing post. I figured this one would simply increase the number. Instead I decided to write a stupid explanation on why I deleted that big emotional post but then again no one read it so this was sure a waste of time uhhhhhhh this blows.

Because i'm convinced its wrong

Imagine sitting there. Just there In a place where nothing but you moves. Everything is flying each and everyday. The minute you once lived is gone captured by time and that deep breath. I came to the typical conclusion, people and the things that once ment so much to me, slipped from the wall of careness and now are gone. Slowly moving on with what i've not yet brought my self to believe is real. I'm dust in a whole. I'm a memory washed by time. Everyday it hurts a little less. Everyday i forget a little more. Everyday time passes by, and you change.

To do list:

1. Laundry
2. Screenplay
3. Shower
4. Bar tend
5. Xbox live
6. Nude portraits
7. Clubbing
8. Eat
9. Pikachu time
10. Sleep
11. DANCE!
12. Pleasure my self
13. Pimp
14. Cry
15. Cry more
16. Cry even more
17. Kill bill
18. Dj for a Dj
19. Kill that monkey
20. Kill bill vol 2
21. Buy Ouija board
22. Simon demon
23. Run like hell and leave nena behind
24. Buy condoms
25. Buy pregnancy tests
26. Destroy the makers of twilight
27. Turn into brown hulk
28. Make captain Mexico
29. Make 1st place in best looking junk
30. Make fun of people who think were gonna die in 2012 hahaha pussy's.................................. WE DIE in 2013! IDIOTS
31. I'M 31 HAHAHA
32. Fuck I'm getting old I'm 32
33. In my dreams you're blowin' me....

.....Some kisses.

Lmfao Martin's to do list

Homework

Survey Lit- Annotate the poem Still i rise
World History- Read pgs 389-397 Finish answering questions
Science- Work sheet finish & the other work sheet
Reading- Book report & Middle school project
Health- Vocabulary lessons 1-4 Research Pubic lice
Math- ohhh yeah i finished math Keep it coming bitch!
I feel stressed just by thinking about it Its 7:30 and i havent started
anything D;;;;;;; i truly have no idea how I'm passing all my classes

I suppose you want it that way

-I've been everywhere except here and it doesnt matter because the less time I
have to think the less emotional I get, and honestly I'm starting to feel like mee again.
I scanned my hands yeah i know...... Well anyways i dont wanna make a journal out of
this. Ughh this bitch let me just put it out there....does it look like i give a shit? exactly exactly ;)

I am stuck in a cloud of memories

Today is 10.10.10

So I was online yesterday and this one “girl” uhhhhh I swear she keeps adding all these people and keeps updating her status. She is literally everywhere on my home page.

Stupid Bitch Stupid! Stupid! I’ve come to a conclusion. facebook is a network where society tries too hard to fit in. You want everyone liking your status. You feel confident showing off the decent amount of complete strangers you’ve probably never crossed a word with. Trust me I bet she doesn’t know half the people on her friends list. You want full attention toward [you] and [your] personal thoughts. Which we all by the way know aren’t yours. Those are lyrics of songs you probably don’t even like, but heyyy everyone else seems to like them sooo what the hell… might as well follow another crowd. Don’t even get me started on

“the wall"….oh your wall, your wall simply has to be the perfect place of new comments. You have to have a bunch of people saying I miss you or I love you.. like really they barely met you?
Notifications…by a million.

Where am I really going with this ??

Who the fuck knows
Just stop fucking filling my homepage with unnecessary updates of your cat scratching your arm
really bitch go put a band-aid on and learn how to fucking spell.
Why should I care anyways…no no no I remember now your filling my homepage for fuck sakes

Happy One Year

Well today marks it all. A year, one year
a year of dedication, failure, sadness,
unforgettable moments but most of all stupidity.
Exactly 1 year ago i decided to make some thing
just for me. A link a small little link in this big social
network. Just for me. Where i would not only write
of what i thought, but of what i felt and feared. My own little space.

My own little escape from the world.
As i look back i see how much I've changed.
I see the obvious mistakes but most importantly i see the amount
of maturity I've gained from each and everyone one of them.
As stupid as it may sound writing is possibly the only thing that
kept me sane for quite a while now.
Those ordinary days Those fascinating days even the most depressing days,
they all seem to perfectly make sense in here.
I've managed to get through a year...lets just wait and see

Ah fuck i forgot i have to go to that suicidal meeting tomorrow for hours

I cant finish my 30 day challenge

well there goes another thing i quit.

Theres not much to say.

I spent 5th period and half of 6th

reading this amazing book of a geisha and her sad life story.

They didnt have "You dont know me"

or the 3rd part to my book series :/

Who the hell spends their lunch period in the library.

...........................................................................................................

This house gets boring...

November November please comeeeee!

Oh emee jee (spanish)
Day 5. Post a picture youand your family

Day 4. Something you regret.
Being so fucking stupid! '_'


Enrique Iglesias- Ayer

♥♥♥♥♥♥

Day 3. Name something that would make you absolutely happy

Considering the fact that many thing make me unhappy.
I figured that the best answer for this would have to be no feelings.
If i could..
If i could just learned how i would press everything down and forget.
If i don't care...then why the fuck would i want something to make me happy.
And if i forget then i wont remember how you make me feel.