Thanking is not enough,
Showing is something else.

                                                             The tears my heart holds
                                                             The burning cry I let go

The fragile my thoughts,
that break as I seek your smile
Memories slip away and you brake

I see you, but can't find you

I'm standing with the unknown, alone

while you fly into her eyes

I feel you, but can't find you...

-So far everything is going okay, excluding people and erasing awkward situation
 I have to say my week has been pretty stable.

That sensation of not wanting to take a step.
So you wont lie and say yes.
So you don't make plans with someones feelings
So you don't force  love
So you wont wonder
I wont take a step
Because I don't want to  feel.
Because I don't want to regret
Because I don't want to lie
I wont take a step because every time I do nothing happens....

I never thought i'd say this but....I like you

I hope to find you unexpectedly just so I can look you in the eye.
So you can lie once again.
So I can believe it all and smile.
So I can share all i've wanted to say.
I want to find you, so you can stick for a while

but then i want you to leave.
So you can think about it and see it wasnt always me...

"It's like screaming but no one can hear. You always feel ashamed that someone could be that important that without them, you feel like nothing. No one will ever understand how much it hurts. You feel hopeless, like nothing can save you. Then when it's over, it's gone, you almost wish you could have all that bad stuff back, so that you can have the good."

<3 <3 <3

It's sad how one person can let go of things in an instant, without hesitation, without over thinking the meaning of what you're about to let go. I simply can not process the emptiness the unbearable feeling. Once I let go once I feel that nothing, nothing will ever make sense. Let the sadness invade me and the terror of not having someone like you by my side haunt me.

Dangggg lonely ass blog -_________________-

You're not  not the only heart that beats...

Sometimes when you try saying something really meaningful,

it becomes almost impossible to say anything at all

You lie and you will always lie...

I have nothing, everything was always nothing 
long gone taken by time taken by choices.
And now I sit here wondering what's about to happen...

One thousand Eight Hundred Sixty Two text messages and I wont receive one from you ever again...

If only...

BE GOOD, BE BAD, JUST BE

BE GOOD. BE BAD, JUST BE

BE GOOD, BE BAD, JUST BE

You've turned into a temporary act.
The emptiness I feel and echoing I hear.
Your alluring words make me think, but i don't smile.
Your kiss felt like wind blowing into the darkness.


It's not like before. It's not him anymore

Your patience makes me feel guilty
the guilty that haunts and drags you.
I will battle the unknown to keep his promises.
because even though your not him, and even though this is synthetic
It proofs that I too can survive, although I'm secretly falling apart.
Falling apart once i see all that i've created.
This is no act this is no plan, this is a boy...
I will stumble and fall flat on my back,
Whats all this?
 I'm living a pretend.
A pretend that hurts because my memorable world sinks and reality sticks in.  
What am i doing?  




 If my world is him even if you're here...I simply cant love you

I moaned because I had no shoes, until I met a man
who had no feet.

It took a lot for me to go on here. I've missed this all of this but I cant explain why I hate it. Instead of shoving everything inside, instead of ordering thoughts and secrets. I as a person have the possibility the opportunity to share everything. To open my mind and speak, open my mind and actually say everything i've always wanted to say. And for the past months I have been able to do that and it's a feeling I have learned to love.

...But I cant forget the feeling I get when I write

All i ask is for one more chance, so i can shine and feel needed, a chance to make me feel worthy of being here all i want is one more chance... to shine.

Uhh school hasn't even started and people are all ready starting to annoy me... I hope all these sports keep me distracted

How is one person capable of automatically loving someone without knowing them ?
How the hell do you say love at first sight when nothing, nothing at all has taken place ?
What the hell do you love huh? ....
Fuck off bitch!

Tell me why as the months pass I post less and less on here. It's sad I can't keep doing something I like

I'll choose the opposite of what you are...

Adele- Don't you remember

Why are you walking away? is my humble way too little for you?

Is my conversation too much to reach your interest? See only within your group. See only within the circle. See only what your mind wants. For one day you'll regret whats in sight.

I seek the touch and relish the feeling.

... and she spoke words that would melt in your hands.

So yesterday while listening to aliens exist by blink on YouTube a ritual routine in life. I discover the greatest and saddest news of all time, you wont believe this..... So i was scrolling though the idiotic comments people leave on the YouTube videos you know, everyone does that. To my surprise I find things such as "I'm so glad they are together" or or "I cant wait till they come to New York" This as you may know left a huge QUESTION MARK! so i decided to stalk blink 182 fan page. It turns out they are back together AND!!! are having a concert HERE! Aug 20........... what the fuck!? my heart shattered. I want to go really really bad :l not just because they are my favorite band in the world but because they wont ever ever come to Chicago.

The feeling you get when your dad's proud of what you do...

I think I'm blind. I only see the nice side

This blew my mind.

YLC (debate stuff) has been by far the greatest experience of my entire life. This all started as a having something to do over the summer. I honestly saw debate as a nerd category. A category filled with people with no life. This to "to do over summer" has challenged me and pushed me to an extent i was not aware existed. The past 4 days I cried my eyes out due to the intense frustration i felt, due to my negative side taking over. I laughed till i could no longer take it i smiled and fully felt happy. I opened up, something i hardly do and it's all because of the pressure of the happiness and challenge YLC made me go through. I can now open up to different perspectives and I can now confidently say i am capable of doing anything i set my mind to . Because we are all "amazing".

I see pictures of you and her together, and honestly, you look happy.

But I see pictures of me and you together, and you look in love

.
Eletheowl

I made a tumblr a long time ago and i've never gone on it o.O soooo i went
on it today AND i realized i have no idea how to use it but it doesnt matter
because i have this and if i have this why do i need a tumblr? who
knows

Today I feel like a zero I feel useless, and empty.

Here we are once again. Preaching love toward souls, filling minds with sweet memories.
What takes place within this living story? This something that slowly creates a smile and laughter. This something that forms a mellow rhythm once we meet.

I face the unknown ignoring the hard steps, ignoring life with its challenges and written regrets. This unknown, this momentarily feeling that has no explanation is enough to fill my dark sky. And even though i am uncertain most of the time. I will stumble facing this because this momentarily feeling feels like love.

I don't care if they are the biggest faggots

Twizzlers and Gatorates have become my bestfriends

I forgot about my 18 day challenge aghhh! oh well. Emm, i really don't have anything to say. that should be good i suppose. Hopefully this summer goes the way i plan it to go : )

Day 16- An internal conflict I have with myself.

The feeling of not being enough. I don't know why i feel this i know better, i should satisfy no one but my self.

Day 13- What words upset me the most.
"Sometimes i wish i could pack my things and leave everything"

Day 14- A description of my self-esteem.
Keeping up with the rest

Day 15- The reason behind my last break up.
Aghh stuff died, loss of communication i suppose.

Day 12- How my last kiss when down.
Lmao funny ass heooo ;)

Day 11- What I hate the most about school.

-Actually going
-I dont like ghetto bitchessss ;)
-SLUTS
-Fake
-Freshman

Day 10- Where I have lived before.

I move a lot.

1. Mexico


2. Pennsylvania


3. New York


4. New Jersey


5. Chicago


6. Indiana

and in a near future Michigan :)

Day 9- A reason I’ve lied to a friend.

I don't like to lie i don't see the point in making up things, but when i do it's because i absolutely need to and can't find a way around the situation.

Day 8- A description of the person you hate the most.

Hmmph this is quite easy. The person i hate the most constantly reminds me of little helpless cockroaches : ) drowning in water begging for air but you are filthy bitch you don't deserve to breathe....Okay not that much, but this person constantly brings me down and it's amazing how his words get to me and his actions and I'm an idiot that believes every single insult.

July 15 :))))))))))))))))))))) whuuu whuuu whuuuattt bitchessss $$$$

Day 7- A description of the boy I like.

-The boy i like is quite peculiar, not only is he constantly being an idiot he likes to point out my stupidity. He not only insults me, he physically abuses me. The boy i like thinks of the most stupid comebacks and for some odd reason has the highest score in our class. He finds a way to make me laugh so he can THEN laugh at my laugh. He who makes me happy inside. He who reminds me of a failure slash girly soccer player

The boy i like makes me :D all the time in that period...

Day 5 My idea of a perfect date.

:)) As long as it's something carefully thought of and it includes a bonfire it's the perfect for me.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Day 6 List 4 pet peeves

1. People that try too hard.


2. Happy people


3. People that litter when the garbage can is two steps! away


4. HOES

Day 4- What I want to be when I get older

I want to be someone worthy...

Day 3- What I love most about myself.


This question is the opposite of yesterdays uhhhhhhhhh and i don't know why the person that invented this would do that. Okay this might me a little hard...Again with the love & hate i don't love anything about me that's just plain weird. I don't see the point in loving something you have and will forever posses. Love should be free and open not locked within you I'm pretty sure no one gets that but it's fine. Okay hmm, I like the fact that i don't judge easily, i let people persuade me into liking their personality. I like how determined i might be no matter how much i say "i suck" i keep on pushing forward. I think I'm some what nice. I care about other people and am quite open minded. I like how no matter how bad people tend to treat me i always keep the good memories. I also like how i can memorize songs easily :D ahaa

Day 2- What I hate most about myself.

Aghhh I wont go into the physical stuff because well those things are there and will always be there no matter how much plastic surgery you go through. Let's not use the word hate here, it would simply make me a senseless lunatic bitch because well...we're talking about me here and hating myself is quite emo. I strongly dislike the fact that the little confidence that keeps me together is sometimes not enough to see the positive side in things. Let's see hmmm, holding hateful grudges and not letting go of things easily. Over thinking simple situations. Thinking of others before me is nice, but doing it all the time is problematic. Not dealing with things and letting the "fuck it" sink in. Giving up on things i really hope to happpen. There is plenty of easy, changeable steps i could take, yet i don't take them...why? well i don't know

I shall do the 18 challenge thing on here because i cant really do one whole month.
Lets see what happens :)
1- Who my best friends are.

-I have many friends up to this point, friends i once had really nice bonds with, Of course those bonds have crumbled to pure awkwardness now but i still call them friends. My best friends on the other hand are a whole different story sure we drift away but no matter how long we stop the talking once we see each other we manage to forget the distance part and blend together like Kool-aid and water : ) so far there's only 3 people i truely trust.

Audrey Hepburn I love you
Audrey Hepburn
Audrey Hepburn
Audrey Hepburn
Audrey Hepburn <3<3<3

A wordless feeling, a trapped freedom that slowly consumes moments. The "Free" to do the ultimate. Its a satisfaction that simply does not satisfy. I can't swallow without choking, My actions are not nearly close to what i want to do, and lately i haven't been able to express what i really want to say. I don't know what's happening to me, but the more i think about it the less sense it all makes. If only i could sleep through it all, so i could forever float in an atmosphere of pure motion and everything could fall into perfect place.

andd fuck you too... why!
in the world would he even consider asking that.

It's sad having someone that once meant the world to you, leave within short months.
With out hesitating, with no doubts.

It's amazing how much a person changes with the attitude people around them conserve. SMH Where did you go? under all that influence of your so called friends.

-I want someone there no body will stay forever and I don’t expect forever.

I just want someone there.

Today was my last game :l

I'm gonna miss it, the sucking and striking out

those were truely the best moments of freshman year.

For the first time, I see you for who you really are.

and it's patheticly amusing

I have not posted on here in what seems to be a long time hmmm.

-Let time deal with what you cant seem to resolve.

So today we we're interviewed by other students due to the novel we are reading.
One of the many questions i was asked was "How would you describe or define love?"
As simple as the question could be i had no possible way of answering it... Either way i heart this picture

I am not psychologically trained to say goodbye. I have not dealt with people leaving, i know i always complain of everyone walking out on me but the truth is i know they are close.

Close but far away, may never talk may never see each other,

but those people are there and they will always be there not for me but there.

You on the other hand are leaving actually leaving.

I can not put into words the heaviness i feel ,

the words stuck inside my head the anger that aches

my throat and its all because i am not capable of saying

you leaving destroys everything.

I always thought that it was stupid for people to say

"I feel empty"

but it's true you really do feel empty.

"were all beautiful in owr own way....forever ♥" this was written on facebook by a guy that i dislike greatly. Same exact words, idiot cant even spell the word "our". I'm sorry but i felt the need to share the problematic situation i go through every day in 7th period.

I need time. Time is all i need. Needing is time. Therefore i want need.

A man doesn't have time in his life
to have time for everything.
He doesn't have seasons enough to have
a season for every purpose. Ecclesiastes
Was wrong about that.

A man needs to love and to hate at the same moment,
to laugh and cry with the same eyes,
with the same hands to throw stones and to gather them,
to make love in war and war in love.
And to hate and forgive and remember and forget,
to arrange and confuse, to eat and to digest
what history
takes years and years to do.

A man doesn't have time.
When he loses he seeks, when he finds
he forgets, when he forgets he loves, when he loves
he begins to forget.

And his soul is seasoned, his soul
is very professional.
Only his body remains forever
an amateur. It tries and it misses,
gets muddled, doesn't learn a thing,
drunk and blind in its pleasures
and its pains.

He will die as figs die in autumn,
Shriveled and full of himself and sweet,
the leaves growing dry on the ground,
the bare branches pointing to the place
where there's time for everything.

A Man In His Life by Yehuda Amichai

Sometimes I dont feel complete

Other times,

I dont feel anything.

It has nearly been more than a week since I've posted on here i believe, well the main purpose on why I've dragged was because i was reading but now I'm done with my book and its back to this eiot3vg fcgfcbjDSGH bv%$&*(*90&*%^erhj mfndbvahsfs... sorry okay okay back to this stuff. Another reason is simply because i hate Internet, or just Facebook ...with its pokes and constant updates "rate me 1-10" I don't like people, people bother me and therefore i don't like them...but yet i still have one and i have no clue why? Anyway i don't have anything to say because this is not my computer and stuff yeah.......xoxoxoxxxxxxxxxx

Michaels <3

I have nothing to loose nothing belongs to me, we're all temporary.